Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High

A PAPERBACK ORIGINAL

"Most books make promises. This one delivers. These skills have not only helped us to change the culture of our company, but have also generated new techniques for working together in ways that enabled us to win the largest contract in our industry's history."--Dain M. Hancock, President, Lockheed Martin Aeronautics

A powerful, seven-step approach to handling difficult conversations with confidence and skill

"Crucial" conversations are interpersonal exchanges at work or at home that we dread having but know we cannot avoid. How do you say what needs to be said while avoiding an argument with a boss, child, or relationship partner? Crucial Conversations offers readers a proven seven-point strategy for achieving their goals in all those emotionally, psychologically, or legally charged situations that can arise in their professional and personal lives. Based on the authors' highly popular DialogueSmart training seminars, the techniques are geared toward getting people to lower their defenses, creating mutual respect and understanding, increasing emotional safety, and encouraging freedom of expression. Among other things, readers also learn about the four main factors that characterize crucial conversations, and they get a powerful six-minute mastery technique that prepares them to work through any highimpact situation with confidence.

The book addresses a topic that is largely misunderstood and vastly underestimated: high stakes dialogue. The authors define crucial conversations as those where 1) stakes are high, 2) opinions vary, and 3) emotions run strong, or in other words, much of both our professional and personal lives. We're all involved in crucial conversations at home and at work but most of us are not very aware of the interpersonal dynamics at play and/or we're unskilled in how to respond differently. The book helps the reader first understand the principles involved in "crucial conversations" but then also helps the reader develop real skills and abilities to choose or change their communication patterns. The end result is remarkable. The book's impact is a much bigger idea than simple communication--it's all about effective human interaction and getting results with and through people.

The book is highly readable, extremely engaging and actually quite fun. It is filled with illustrations and stories from all walks of life: business examples, personal examples and family examples. The fact that the principles and skills the authors teach can be applied in all dimensions of life--work, home, personal--is very appealing to me and made the book extremely helpful on many fronts.

I benefitted most from this book from a business standpoint and have found that applying these skills has made a real difference at work. I'm more courageous and more considerate at the same time. I understand people better but I especially understand myself better. I'm far more conscious and aware of my dialogue with others and I've greatly improved my skills and abilities to lead effectively. The bottom line is, I'm helping my company get better results and I'm far more effective personally. If more people in business were to apply these principles and skills in the frequent crucial conversations they have at work, they would make better decisions, achieve better results and do it all in a way that would build the trust and strengthen relationships. I couldn't give a book higher marks. Outstanding!


Crucial Conversations   March 5, 2003
Chris Osorio (Orlando, Fl. USA)
11 out of 11 found this review helpful

As an executive coach working in merger integration activity for many years I have found that the wisdom found in Crucial Conversations can be worth millions and even hundreds of millions of dollars to the clients I work with. Far too many mergers fail because executives avoid having crucial conversations. Finding an authentic path to work through tough issues and critical moments of truth while building long term relationships is a real art. Crucial conversations is filled with practical wisdom from individuals who have discovered "simplicity on the far side of complexity" as it relates to this most difficult and important subject. In my business and personal life, I have found the ideas in this book are invaluable in helping get to the root of difficult issues while maintaining and even enhancing relationships. Very insightful and brilliantly practical.


Every adult and teenager should read this book!   February 24, 2006
R. Blackman (Laguna Beach, CA USA)
13 out of 14 found this review helpful

Since most of my career has included public speaking I am rarely intimidated by confrontation. I have been the employee negotiating for my salary and a boss dealing with overworked, stressed employees. Even with years of experience, this book helped me to be more aware of how my own speech patterns may affect the people I deal with - on both sides of the fence.

After reading Crucial Conversations, I more easily recognize words that usually invoke an emotional response and avoid them.

This book makes a wonderful gift for employees, friends and family - all careers from CFO to Coffee Barista to Secretary. I highly recommend this book for seasoned professionals and college students.


worth listening to   May 10, 2007
A. Marchant (New York)
13 out of 14 found this review helpful

I'm not a fan of self-help books or motivational speakers. Usually I'm driven off by the smarmy tone or self-serving verbal gimmicks. But that's not what you get with Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

The purpose of this book is to teach skills for managing verbal dialogue in the face of emotional conflict. The authors stay focused on this topic, teaching a series of behavioral, planning, and interpretive techniques for developing a more effective communication style. They are NOT selling happiness, fulfillment, total quality satisfaction, competitive transformation, etc.

Crucial Conversations uses a variety of instructional methods (examples, diagrams, memory devices, and repetition) to reinforce a modest set of techniques. It avoids gimmicks and hyperbole. The writing is smooth enough to be readable, without diluting the message with entertainment.

Probably I should wait a few months before writing this review. The authors point out that their dialogue skills can't be mastered without sustained practice and review. But already the book has made me more aware of my own conversational habits and responses. I've got some "crucial conversations" coming up and I'm looking forward to trying some techniques to ratchet down the emotion and cultivate information flow.


It helped me immediately!   March 25, 2004
M. Davis (Yardley, Pa United States)
9 out of 9 found this review helpful

I see now why now why my principal gave others and me this book. Earlier today our committee of educators came up with a new program to replace a set of undefined steps that had us three months in arrears in our caseload. The unanimous and accepted consensus, I believe, only came about from applying the ideas in Crucial Conversations. Those that had disagreed with the new program did behave badly, but this did not side track the process. Applying the authors advice of keeping focused on what I want enabled me to avoid being sucked in.

I offer one snippet the books ideals. They say, If you behaved badly apologize but if your intentions have been misunderstood don't apologize do a clarifying "don't/do" statement: "Don't think I mean this awful thing you have been thinking. Do realize that I mean this." They indicate that such statements are just the beginning of repairing what they call safety. This repair was crucial to obtaining today's agreement. Try it!